Note: I’ve been on this allergy medication for most of the week and I’m physically drained. I got accepted into the MA program at City University in London today. I’m excited but I doubt I’ll take the invite since the opening is in September of this year. Can’t happen. I have a lot to do already to get ready if I get accepted for a program in January (let’s hope it happens, folks), so to get myself ready in 4 months to leave the country? I know I can do a lot of great things when I’m heavily committed to the cause but I really don’t see this as being feasible. Stranger things have happened, though.
I’m also thinking of volunteering with Girls on the Run-Atlanta, which is the program that uses running and exercise as a way to inspire and mentor young girls. So, I’m sure it’ll help boost my running skills (if I’m accepted) as well as inspire some young children. I actually like working with kids, well “young” adults. I think that’s when they are open to being influenced (positively or negatively) depending on which route you take. I know that if I had something like that when I was in middle school, maybe I’d be surer about whom I am.
I feel that young girls grow up shaky about where they should stand in this world. In my case, I grew up with a mother who loved me (this I know) but wasn’t a person that I would go too for self-esteem or to be validated. I was on weathered footing with my dads’ sisters, so no help there. Often times, I was afraid to express myself fully because I never received any positive reinforcement from my endeavors, instead I was often criticized by what I didn’t do.
Which honestly, how I was raised often worries me when it comes to how I’ll view my kids. I’ve decided recently, well within the last two years, that I do want children. I also know that if you aren’t fully aware of your issues, you can subconsciously start going through the same patterns of your parents. Which made me scared for so long! I was scared to love someone deeply because I equated love with self destruction (I still do, in some ways) and I was worried that I’d put my spouse through that as well as my children.
I want to make sure my kids are always loved, inspired and that they will always feel supported because even though I was loved, I never felt inspired or supported by my parents.
I see this volunteering thing as a step in the right direction. Healthy for me both emotionally and physically and I’ll learn how to inspire young women and make them feel confident in themselves and their bodies. So, I’ll be preparing myself for when I do make the leap and have children, Then, I’ll have more of the positive building blocks in place and less of the negative ones.
Oh, and I’ll be able to cross of one more thing off the list of my 101 Things to Do. I aim to post that tomorrow, here’s hoping!
Anyone out there passionate about a cause close to your heart? This one actually just appeared out of nowhere today in my Daily Mail newsletters for Atlanta, so maybe it’s destiny or something but I’d love to hear about more.
Also, for the people who have children. Do you raise them similarly to how you were raised? If not, how do make sure you don’t slip into familiar territory. I think I’m really worried about subconsciously acting like my mother (emotionally) more than anything.
I guess, the question could be posed to people who don’t have children yet but it is on their things to do, too. Hell, anyone that wants to answer. Feel free to chime in, I want as many thoughts as possible!
Is it Friday, yet?!
