It’s Wednesday.
So, it’s my weekly rant day. Actually, I’m writing this on Tuesday while watching the BET awards—it’s not that exciting—but I’m watching it nonetheless.
So, this week I have been struggling with setting this god awful boundary. I have been praying to God to give me some strength—not in the sense of my caving because I won’t; but giving me strength for me to stop analyzing the topic to death.
I really need to learn a thing from men; they seem to be able to let stuff go better than most women can. It’s funny but I don’t consider myself like most women but with this analyzing thing—boy, can I not shake this!
I’m not feeling guilty about having to set the boundary because I had to worry about myself and my needs. I was feeling guilty about it over the weekend but now, not so much. I’m not being mean or vindictive; it’s just the right now it’s not financially possible for me to do. The other side is that even if I could, I wouldn’t but I DON’T even feel bad about that because my financial strain definitely comes first.
I still analyze like a mofo, though.
It’s funny because if I went back on my initial ‘no’, the analyzing part of me wouldn’t cease. That part of me is reinforcing what is right this time that, I’m moving in the right direction; I just wish I could silence it for a little while.
[Oh, ya’ll…they are honoring Al Green on BET right now. I know I’m a young buck but my momma raised me up on some Al Green and they are playing her favorite song, right now! It’s called “For the Good Times”, it’s a wonderful song.]
I went off track big time with that one.
I think I need to learn to be okay with disappointing folks sometimes. You can’t please everyone and I’m not the “fixer” anymore. Like Jen stated, when she was discussing her labels—you have to let go of the past to move forward positively. I fixed people, places and things to feel loved, wanted and accepted. The reason why I’m not going back on my boundary is because I have to teach myself this lesson as much as the person that I set the boundary with.
The truth is; that it’s okay. It’s okay to say no; to realize my limit had been stretched a long time ago and that I won’t allow it to be stretched any further. I’m putting a big ole ‘X’ over my people pleaser label. I’m not here to do that. I’m here to be a good person, yes but to sacrifice myself before others that I can’t do anymore.
[I have to take what I said about the BET awards show back—the one, good thing about the BET awards was the Al Green tribute, if any of you love good, classic soul and enjoy Jill Scott, Anthony Hamilton and Maxwell—youtube the performance, it was phenomenal makes a girl wanna do some thangs!]
You know, hearing that tribute is what I needed to hear. Good music, bringing good thoughts to people it’s amazing how music changes your mood. I think my mom immersed me in it from the womb.
So yes, in disjointed closing; my rant didn’t end being much of one. The fixer label is no longer being applied to yours truly and the wonderfulness of Al Green stepped in and lifted my mood.
I guess he’s right, let’s just stay together and all you need is a little love and happiness.
Do you have a type of artist that snaps you out of a funk? A roommate in college loved Stevie Wonder like that, I think mine may just be Al Green. What is yours?
