"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
Lately, I have been doing my best to move forward in my life and be as constructive as possible. I've made some bad decisions during the past 5 years - I'm not making excuses for any of them nor am I trying to sugar coat anything - but some of those mistakes have affected the choices that I'm currently allowed to make. For the past year or so, I've allowed those mistakes to cloud the perception of my present; I allowed them to become my mental "shackles" and keep me chained to all things I've done wrong and how I'd never be able to escape them. Which all culminated (along with other things) on March 2nd when I mentally just broke and hit my rock bottom. For the first time in my life, I was helpless, hopeless and vulnerable and alone. Single, no apparent goals, stuck in a place that I didn't want to be and I felt aimless. Like I could just drive off, leaving everything behind and just start over somewhere. Granted, reality struck and I realized I couldn't just shirk my responsibility but at the time it seemed rather nice.
Then, one day something happened. I'm not sure, I can't even put my finger on it; the only way I can explain it is that I briefly received a moment of clarity. That, with everything going on, I realized that I didn't want to keep living this way. Working all the time to catch up with bills and debt - never enjoying life - always tired and frustrated. Some place deep inside of me was tired of all that. Tired of helping others but never myself of helping others to fulfill their wants and desires always putting myself last. I got myself into this situation and dammit, I was going to get myself out of it. I wanted to ENJOY my life not just participate in it.
During one of my many blog-roll reads, I came across the above picture and it resonated within me and even to this day it still does. I eventually had to print it out on photo paper, frame it and hang it on my refrigerator door so that I can see it every day. You ever read something and it seems like it was made especially for you, that's how I feel when I look at that picture. Whoever came up with the concept was spot on and it brought to the surface all that I've been previously telling myself - even when I didn't want to admit it.
I wasn't tired of my life per se, I was tired of how I CHOSE to live my life. Plain and simple. So what did I do? I booked a trip to Las Vegas with a friend, I put my house up for sale (as well as, looked for tenants in case the house took forever to sell), I started skating more, I bought myself running shoes so I can bring back my endurance, I went out with my friends more AND I decided that I will finally visit a place for my birthday (two of my friends and I are going to the Dominican Republic in July - we were all born that month). I also found tenants for my condo, granted I have some things to do in order to fix up the place but I have them moving in at least. I'm moving forward and refusing to allow myself to wallow continuously in frustration. I feel good, better than I have in a long time and for that I'm grateful.
Do you all have a phrase, a photo or something that calls you to action? If so, what is it?
