I think I actually had a some type of death wish. I woke up to do 12 minutes of MaxFit, then I went to derby practice and skated for two hours and then I followed it with an 1.5 hour modern dance class. I couldn't stand by the end of it and wanted nothing more but to sleep but did I? Nope.
Well, the modern dance teacher was a substitute and she kicked my ass. I haven't taken an official dance class in years and I only dabbled in modern but this really kicked my butt and it was fun. I definitely will be going back and I really enjoyed the teacher even though she was tough but I've always enjoyed being forced to push myself. She kept telling us that in order to get better, you have to learn to challenge yourself and let yourself go. If we never challenged our bodies, we would never know what they are capable of.
We danced to Maxwell's "Pretty Wings" and I felt like a fish out of water but that didn't stop me and little by little, I started to lose my inhibitions and let the music take over. I'm not saying it looked particularly pretty but I was in the moment - feeling the music and trying my best to have my body catch up with what was going on in my head. Reaching for something, challenging myself even if I wasn't quite sure with what I was doing; I did my best to keep on reaching.
I miss dancing, I miss challenging myself and my feelings and being exposed which is why I love the arts so much. I can channel all my feelings into other arena's instead of constantly verbalizing it. I can heal myself through art or creative expression instead of letting things stay bottled up inside me causing me more harm than good. I miss feeling free and limitless and walking into a room for an hour or so where I can leave my problems at the door and just let my body be my guide, I just miss it all.
I'll have to work at it to get back to where I once was, if I can at this point but I'm going to try my hardest or at least try, anyway.
