Love. Self. Entirely.

Trying to Keep Positive

Last week, I posted about trying indoor rock climbing at Atlanta Rocks! It was fun, I actually did better than I expected, I was the only one in my group who could climb to the top of one of the harder walls. I don't know HOW I did it because prior to the climbing I had to do one of the hardest 2 hour derby practices of my life (I was being assessed for the upcoming year) and I was already feeling weak. I found the strength to keep on, keeping on but the last wall, I got to over half way and I had to call it a day. Two hours of hardcore skating combined with two hours of rock climbing, I think I did pretty damn good.

At least, I succeeded at the rock climbing. I didn't pass my assessment, I really think some of it was on some bullshit but even though I felt like quitting then and there because I really did give it my all. I know deep down that I'm not a quitter - it stems from my family always putting me down - I can't ever let anyone know that they've gotten me and see me sweat. SO, I'm taking a mental derby vacation and I'm going to do other workouts and get myself back into sparring shape. I gained some weight last year and now I'm slowly starting to lose it. I just have to keep up with the good work. I have until April, I think I can do it by then.

This week, I plan to do Bikram Hot Yoga in Decatur. I bought a 5 class card and there is also a $30 ten day consecutive class offer for newbies, so I plan to do that.

Life is Amazing

I am here. Just been working a lot and applying to graduate programs and trying to get this house sold.

I've decided to embark on something different this year. I plan to challenge myself on anything that is safe, affordable and suits my fancy. One new thing a week, I'm not going to think about it. I'm just going to do it. It can be something life changing or mundane the only requirement is that it is something I've never done but I'm interested in trying.

First up, indoor rock climbing. My upper body strength sucks and I have a slight fear of heights but I'm ready to give it a whirl. 

I hope everyone else out there (who reads this) is having a glorious January. I know that mine is off to a pretty decent start.

Curbing My Disillusionment

"The longer you stay in one place, the greater your chance of disillusionment."

I received this as my Quote of the Day and it hit the nail right on the head. Even though lately I have been quite content and still moving myself towards leaving Atlanta (even though it is going quiet SLOWLY), it's nice to see some type of reinforcement especially when you are heading towards uncharted waters.

My two classes will be over next week, so I can focus on my side projects fully again. I'm quite excited and I have so many ideas that I can't wait to execute. Next week, I will also find out what team I'll be skating on next year so we shall see how that pans out; I'm not that excited about it but there is nothing I can do about it so I just have to move forward. 

Right now, I'm thankful. I have to buy some more dental insurance and I'm going to take care of my teeth. I have a lot of work I need to do and I'm going to just do it. No more excuses, I'm going to take care of me - wish me luck for I hate dealing with the dentist!

Next year will be a healthier me, the next part will be moving this condo but it'll get done. I know it will I just have to figure out how to go about it. Here's to 2010 (yes, I know I'm a tad bit early)!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

The End of National Blog Posting Month

The idea that I actually made it is amazing. It wasn't as hard as I expected but I am quite glad to go back to my original schedule of posting.

Today is my last day in Maryland, I'll be back in Atlanta tonight. It was a fun vacation, it was filled with new memories and remembrances of times past.

I saw old friends, my auntie (who looks and laughs just like mother) and bonded with my father. Even though my family is quite dysfunctional - I'm glad that the family that I talk to is around and that I loyal friends that buffer all the holes where my old family once stood. 

Tuesday means it's back to the grind. It's going to take me a minute to adjust to being back at work and to start getting back involved with school and things of that nature. Classes end on December 11th so I'm almost there, so I can't blow it now. I bought my brother's christmas gift on Black Friday - even though, I'm sure I'll give it to him on his birthday. 

I'm actually looking forward to December. 

Last Night

I am thankful for true friends. Even though I don't get to see them as often, I am glad to have them in my life. 

Yesterday, I went out with my gay boyfriends; I heart them big time. I sound so high school when I say this but it's true, I really do love them. We ended up going to The Hippo which is this old gay club and we ended up dancing, looking at all the interesting people and finishing the night off listening to some bad karaoke. It was a wonderful night.

I had drinks, some good snacks (my poor diet) and wonderful company. What more could a girl ask for? I didn't realize how much I missed Baltimore - I'm still don't want to live in Maryland - but I am entertaining the idea of living in the DC metro area at least.

We shall see. I just know Atlanta is definitely going next year.

Black Friday

I had a great Thanksgiving with my father, I miss being around him the older that I get. I do wish my brother had a chance to come but at the same time, I get insanely protective of him which would cause some tension, I'm sure.s

Next time, must take baby steps.

Tonight, I'll be standing outside with one of my friends that I've known since elementary school.  Do you have a person in your life that you don't have to talk to all the time or see every day but when you meet up it is like you never missed a day? Well, that's she and I - which is testament to the fact that I'm accompanying her for Black Friday, which is definitely not my scene. I don't care to shop like this, I rather do it online but I'm sure it will be interesting. I have to meet her at midnight...midnight...I'm not even sure what time the store opens, I'm going to need some coffee.

Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I plan to work out, stay put and work until I have to go out with my father and step-mother. Today, I want to express my thanks for the things I'm happy about in my life.

• I have peace of mind.
• I traveled more this year than I have in a long time and next year, I'll do even more.
• I decided to go back to school, seriously. I have applied to schools in the past and have been accepted but I never follow through...not this time.
• I decided that I will be moving overseas next year and I'm excited about that.
• I found a roommate until February to help with expenses.
• My car maintenance is pretty okay.
• I have gotten closer with my best friend in Atlanta.
• I'm thankful that my brother and I are still extremely close even though we don't live together anymore.
• I'm thankful that I'm challenging my ideas of design and I'm starting to be creative.
• I'm happy that the people in my life, I chose them and they chose me and we bring stability and reliability to our lives.
• I'm thankful to still have a job with a boss that I love in this economy.
• I'm happy to stumbled upon a lot of interesting blogs that give me hope, a sense of clarity or the much needed laugh because I really need it sometimes.
• I'm just thankful to be healthy and for the most part happy.
• I'm thankful that my dad is doing well with his kidney transplant and that both my brother and I are taking better care of ourselves health wise.

I hope everyones Thanksgiving is a blessing OR if it isn't that you have plenty of booze to get you through it!

Blasts from the Past

It's funny that within the span of 3 days, I have come in contact with three people from my past. 

The first one was this boy I had an absolute crush on when I was in middle school and again in high school (even though I was just playing the role of the 100% straight girl at the time). He was tall, thin, into musicals, kind and hilarious - he was perfect (in my eyes, anyway) even though at the time he seemed a little bit "off" not in a bad way but off nonetheless. 

Creatively Dreaming Part Deux

I'm looking back at some of my old entries of not having my dreams accepted by my family and doing what they wanted because I wanted to feel accepted even though it wasn't the real me that was being taken in.

One entry particular reached back at me especially in regards to black families and how some believe in raising their children. I do believe my family was on the extreme end of it but I also know that you can only do what you are taught unless you are strong enough to break outside of that. And the truth is, that not many people are willing to do the legwork to do that.

I think that I have done some things that are ingrained in my DNA but I can look back and reflect and know not to do it again. It might take me awhile to get there but I do, eventually. 

The person I was when I was writing that blog no longer exists. I'm not saying that I'm leaps and bounds ahead of that person but where I am now is not a bad place to be. I'm still chained to this house but I won't let myself be stuck here for another year. I am creating again, I have business cards, the website space has been reserved and I'm challenging my ideas of design and creating quirky things that showcase my personality. I'm teaching myself programming (slowly), I'm boning up on my French skills.  I started to travel more and I'm excited about traveling more during this upcoming year (some trips will be alone this time). I'm ready to go back to school (seriously) and I'm ready to leave the US for a chance to push the idea of what I know and deem to be true that much further.

I don't want nor do I need my family around to validate my dreams. I don't desire it anymore. I know that now. I have cut ties to the damaged parts and I'm moving forward from here on out and I don't want to apologize for it. 

My Weekly To - Do

I'm going to take Shannon's Advice on starting a weekly to-do list. I need to get my procrastination under control. I have all these mini projects in various stages and I need to get something completed. Granted, this is a huge part of my DNA - I am the person who will juggle many thing simultaneously and only have one completed. 

With my going away for the greater portion of this week, I aim to resolve a good portion of this list. Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.

1. Write my SOP's for the graduate programs. 
2. Send the paperwork to all the people who are writing my recommendations. 
3. Put the main page up for my website.
4. Write down the concept for my next blog/project.
5. Knit two scarves for the Shepherd Spinal Center Family Project.
6. Clean my room before I leave to go home.
7. Finish all my holiday card designs.
8. Start typing up my screenplay.
9. Out of the 4 books that I bought last week, my goal is to finish 1 - if I can get two done, all the better.
10. Start looking at the workshop schedule from last years Sex 2.0 (quite excited about this) and begin organizing it for next year. 
11. Go to a crafts store, I need to stock up on supplies. I'm making gifts this year.
12. Fold my clothes. I hate folding clothes.
13. Call USAA about my wooden floor in the hallways. I'm hoping my house insurance covers it and I don't have to come out of pocket.
14. Look for a washer and dryer. 
15. Try to attend a dance class before I go back home.
16. Get my coat and boots out of storage.
17. Talk to storage facility about switching into a smaller storage unit.
18. Plan out visits with friends. Right now, I'm ALL over the place.
19. Build an arsenal of blog posts. I don't want to have to write for this blog until next Tuesday - if I can help it.
20. Write down advertising concepts.

Okay, this is just a small list. Let's see how many I can get done.